I don't really fit in this world.
That is, I don't enjoy being here. I hate the obsession with appearance and oneupmanship and conformity. It is physically paining to put up with perceived injustice around me every day.
Let me give you an example. While riding the bus home yesterday I was surrounded by people having their own conversations, and it was pretty full so I had to sit next to someone else. Being an introvert by nature, being around so many people at once makes me feel uncomfortable and indeed, unnecessary. My hearing also isn't particularly good; since youth I've had problems which stopped me from learning how to ride a bike, and I had grommets in my ears for some time. Anyway, it is a struggle to hear even someone next to me, as the other voices disorient me.
I also hate repetition. Irrational though it is, I feel personally slighted when I have to say something twice or more - am I not interesting enough to listen to? Combined with my small ego, it makes me second-guess myself and I often end up holding my own counsel instead of trying to say what I think. So I don't like asking others to repeat themselves either, despite knowing they probably don't suffer from the same neuroses as I.
I've never been diagnosed with any kind of mental problem, but then again I haven't exactly been diagnosed a lot for anything. When I was 15 I had enormous problems with migraines that remain unexplained. The usual candidate would be stress (with school) but I honestly never felt much pressure because I'm quite strong with academics. I did get bullied (intelligent, pale, freckled, red hair, loquacious) but it really wasn't too bad.
This post hasn't actually born much relation to how I wanted it to come out. I guess that kind of thing is symptomatic of ADHD but I am loathe to claim it for many reasons.
I'll continue this topic later.
Wednesday, 2 July 2014
Tuesday, 1 July 2014
Only a few Steam Sale games left:
- Europa Universalis IV with Conquest of Paradise - again, Paradox strategy games
- Baldur's Gate: Enhanced Edition and Baldur's Gate II: Enhanced Edition - makes me feel a little sad to also have the originals on GOG, but this will be more convenient for showing Emily
- Shadowrun Returns because it seems like a faithful successor
Just to make sure I will never, ever finish my Backloggery I also bought a few games at CeX again:
- Darksiders - looks fun, if not groundbreaking
- Gauntlet: Dark Legacy - one of those cult classics
- Warriors Orochi 2 - finally got mailed to me
Also, free stuff:
- Magrunner: Dark Pulse was free for a while on GOG
- Saints Row: The Third was one of the Xbox Live free games, and I certainly enjoyed Saints Row II
- Charlie Murder is another free one
- as is Gotham City Impostors
Post containing actual content to come soonish.
I have a lot of things to write about, so let's get the boring list out of the way. THANKS STEAM
- Rajas of India and Sons of Abraham for Crusader Kings II - as slow and sometimes empty as these games are, I still love playing them
- Avernum: Escape from the Pit and Nethergate: Resurrection and Avadon 2: The Corruption because they were the only modern Spiderweb Software games I didn't already own
- The Stanley Parable because I have only heard good things about it
- Age of Empires II HD and Age of Empires III Complete - I never got into this game series but again it gets a lot of praise
- Risk of Rain - Emily likes the look of it and we can play co-op!
- Rogue Legacy - wanted this since it came out
- Sword of the Stars: The Pit with The Pilgrim because roguelike
And I ran out of tag space. See you in a moment.